New digs

So bloggie friends -
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A Promise to our Daughter.

A moment to reflect

A long time ago when my dad served in the Navy, he once told me that no matter where he travelled in the world, he was always glad to come back home to the states.
I even wrote an essay reflecting on that theme when I was in high school. The Elks thought it was pretty good and gave me a nice little monetary award.
I think today on the extraordinary mood in our country. You know, whether or not you voted for our current president, the fact remains that he IS our president.
I watched the inauguration on CNN yesterday at work. Obama gave a passionate speech and it did make me tear up when more than halfway through his address, he said "...To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West: Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy..."
When baby girl finally comes home hopefully sometime this year (oh how I hope!), she will come home to the greatest country in the world.

So far

Here's what I know to be true at this point.
1. We have been waiting almost 13 months for a referral in our agency's Waiting Child Program. We've been waiting almost 20 months for an adoption referral. We've been waiting over 5 years to become a family of 3.
2. There are 'quite a few families' ahead of us waiting for a referral.
3. Your MCC date is exactly that - just a date.
4. Our agency matches families (who have an MCC date) who may only have been waiting a few short weeks over those who've been waiting 12 months. It's just the way it works.
5. If you're looking for answers in international adoption, be prepared to have them unanswered. Questions come easily. Answers do not. I truly am not trying to sound sarcastic, honesty it's just the nature of the beast. The sooner you realize that, the better you can adjust any expectations you have.
6. We are with the best agency around.
7. I do agree with some that sometimes it feels like our agency isn't working in our best interests. Don't ask why. It just feels that way. Add on extreme emotional unstability, and there you have it. But at the same time I know it is out of their control when CCAA sends a list of referrals. But still, when it comes down to it, for China adoption I wouldn't want to be with any other agency.
8. Day to day I feel like we are NEVER, truly NEVER going to be parents.
Try living with that thought 24 hours a day.

Oops

So much for trying to save a copy of my blog template. Yikes!

A sign?

And so it WAS our renewed I-797 that came in the mail today! Yay!
Not that I think it may mean much, but I did check our online site today from our agency and a new field is on there. It says "Waiting Child."
Never noticed that one before.
Wonder if they're preparing to look at our list for a match?
Hmmmmmmmm.

Can we get a ride too please?

Even though most days it feels like we're the ONLY couple in the world waiting to be a family of 3, I am heartened a bit to know this isn't the case.
It seems we're at times disgruntled and frustrated and just feel like the bus has left without us.
I feel like yelling, "Hey, slow down there a bit ... we want to get on too!"
We wait our turn but the bus keeps driving by.
We're not distracting anyone, we're patiently waiting our turn, but ... but ... but ... that darn bus just keeps inching by!
Sometimes it slows down. Other times it speeds right by with people screaming and waving as we look on with earnest. Why are they smiling at us, we wonder?
"Can't that be us?" we question.
Ah, we're waiting and waiting to just get some recognition here.

*I believe our renewed I-797 has arrived in the mail today. Gotta get home and check though. Hubby seems to think it's finally arrived.
So we have that going for us. I really feel for families who have to renew it 2 or 3 or 4 times in the future. I hope it doesn't come to that. But with the unpredictability of this program, I wouldn't be surprised. That sure does scare me and I emphathize with what that could mean. Me, I couldn't wait that long.
At least with a dream, you can somewhat work toward your goal(s).
With the NSN program, it feels so unrealistic for me. Will the program live up to everyone's expectations? If you're willing to wait years and years, will you receive a referral? With the way things are looking now, I just couldn't take that gamble. I'd have to rethink our adoptions plans.
There are just too many children in the world who need homes. Why make them wait longer than they need to?
I'll never understand it.

Don't I feel like a big dummy?

O.K. I've tried to be optimistic lately. Believe me, I've tried - harder than you know. And in most cases it usually doesn't take a lot of effort for me to think positive.
What has happened to me?
I feel like I've been sucker-punched in the gut. What were we thinking to put ourselves through this?
Actually, I feel like a big dumbo.
I'm getting mixed messages from our agency. One minute they say one thing. The next minute they say another. And we're spinning our heads wondering what to believe.
Should we rethink our adoption plans?
I can't believe we have the audacity to think we might be parents someday.
Oh the horror.
Why is this all happening to us?

So what's it all about?

If you're a Facebook nerd like me, you'll love the fact that the social networking site has connected me to some old friends from school. Gotta love it.
So our local FCC coordinator joined up on what is called Project 365. Read about it here. The premise is to take a photo every day for a year. I'm into Day 2 so not exactly 365 perfectly but Kelley suggested to go ahead and go for it. So here I go.
After hubby went golfing this morning with his uncle, I got up, got ready and prepared for the day. Not much for a nonchalant Saturday afternoon. The weather was gorgeous. Weather Channel usually is wrong when it comes to local weather. The showers and thunderstorms they predicted were nowhere in sight.
What a gorgeous day it was.